Inappropriate Touching
I woke up in Krakow at 5:15 and hoofed my way to a bus station about two kilometers from my hotel in order to ensure myself a seat on the 6:20 bus to the Auschwitz museum. Paying just 14 zloty ($4.00) I sat down in the front proud of myself for navigating the one straight road to the station and figuring out a bus system. I was trying save money but also wanted to be more European. Normal people take buses. An Uber would cost $50 each way and all the tours were booked so the bus seemed worth a shot. I even knowingly helped out two Japanese men with my bus-y knowledge (a quick google search in English). I was trying to improve myself and it was a mistake.
A presumably drunk-ish young-ish man sat down next to me clearly exhausted. He fell asleep instantly with a massive erection pointed towards me. He kept his hand holding onto his penis the entire bus ride as if it were about to run away. To borrow a word from millennial's he "man-spread" out with his legs encroaching far too much into my side of the invisible bus seat barrier. I hit him accidentally with my backpack as many times as possible batting his leg over the invisible halfway point of the seat. Over and over I lifted my backpack, unzipping it, poking around, then plopping it back down on the ground, shoving his knee over in the process.
Occasionally he'd awake from his coma and stare directly at me. I pretended he was looking out the window to make myself feel better, but he was staring right at my face before passing out again. I frantically texted Kyle asking what I should do. It was disturbing and gross and I really felt compelled to chop a penis off but that would mean I'd have to touch it, which I didn't want to do either. I instead found a shirtless picture of Kyle and made it my phone background and ensured it was nice and visible to my creepy companion. If he was going to dream of someone, I was going to make damn sure it was not of me.
He saw. I hoped that a shirtless picture of shirtless Kyle and various gifs of Baywatch Zac Efron dancing around would stop the erection, or at least body shame him, but it did not. He held tight to his crotch unabashed. All that was the start of a bad day and a potential invention. I have decided men should be required to wear a hard silicone plate in the front of their pants. I can't go around bleeding on public bus seats so I don't think men should get to hold their dripping (yes there was a wet spot) erect penis's while they sleep on buses.
To Men,
I do not want to see your penis.
Sincerely All Women.
And that's sincere. We really don't want to.
Poland is full of inappropriate touching. In Gdansk a woman was adjusting a price tag in a counter full of baked goods. She grabbed at the price marker blindly and ended up grasping a sponge cake. She grabbed the cake multiple times trying to get the price marker to stay put. Over and over with her bare palm she firmly touched the sponge cake with vigor and angst tearing the cake until finally the price marker stood still and her molested cake awaited it's sale. I ordered a tea.
Then I went to a restaurant and ordered a salad and pizza. The woman got a large mixing bowl and we were off to a good start. She immediately picked up two scoops of lettuce with her bare hands and plunked it into the bowl. Then using wooden tongs with sanitary precision she delicately pinched up some carrots. I thought why f-ink bother.
This got me to research glove laws in Poland and the United States. I realized people use their bare hands a lot even to my chagrin in cooking prep. I know it happens, but like touching your penis, I'd really feel better if I didn't have to see it.
A presumably drunk-ish young-ish man sat down next to me clearly exhausted. He fell asleep instantly with a massive erection pointed towards me. He kept his hand holding onto his penis the entire bus ride as if it were about to run away. To borrow a word from millennial's he "man-spread" out with his legs encroaching far too much into my side of the invisible bus seat barrier. I hit him accidentally with my backpack as many times as possible batting his leg over the invisible halfway point of the seat. Over and over I lifted my backpack, unzipping it, poking around, then plopping it back down on the ground, shoving his knee over in the process.
Occasionally he'd awake from his coma and stare directly at me. I pretended he was looking out the window to make myself feel better, but he was staring right at my face before passing out again. I frantically texted Kyle asking what I should do. It was disturbing and gross and I really felt compelled to chop a penis off but that would mean I'd have to touch it, which I didn't want to do either. I instead found a shirtless picture of Kyle and made it my phone background and ensured it was nice and visible to my creepy companion. If he was going to dream of someone, I was going to make damn sure it was not of me.
He saw. I hoped that a shirtless picture of shirtless Kyle and various gifs of Baywatch Zac Efron dancing around would stop the erection, or at least body shame him, but it did not. He held tight to his crotch unabashed. All that was the start of a bad day and a potential invention. I have decided men should be required to wear a hard silicone plate in the front of their pants. I can't go around bleeding on public bus seats so I don't think men should get to hold their dripping (yes there was a wet spot) erect penis's while they sleep on buses.
To Men,
I do not want to see your penis.
Sincerely All Women.
And that's sincere. We really don't want to.
Poland is full of inappropriate touching. In Gdansk a woman was adjusting a price tag in a counter full of baked goods. She grabbed at the price marker blindly and ended up grasping a sponge cake. She grabbed the cake multiple times trying to get the price marker to stay put. Over and over with her bare palm she firmly touched the sponge cake with vigor and angst tearing the cake until finally the price marker stood still and her molested cake awaited it's sale. I ordered a tea.
Then I went to a restaurant and ordered a salad and pizza. The woman got a large mixing bowl and we were off to a good start. She immediately picked up two scoops of lettuce with her bare hands and plunked it into the bowl. Then using wooden tongs with sanitary precision she delicately pinched up some carrots. I thought why f-ink bother.
This got me to research glove laws in Poland and the United States. I realized people use their bare hands a lot even to my chagrin in cooking prep. I know it happens, but like touching your penis, I'd really feel better if I didn't have to see it.
Comments
Post a Comment