Sports Ball and Famous People

You know you don’t like sports when you see a bus load of men being dropped off at your hotel with a large group of Hispanic looking men standing next to the bus behind a ribbon and your first thought is “oh I guess they have a Chinatown Bus in Chicago too.” For those unaware the Chinatown Bus is a bus route run by Chinese Americans that picks you up in the Chinatown section of cities and drops you off in other Chinatown's. So leave Chinatown in D.C. and for a cheap price, maybe $15, and you’re dropped off in Chinatown in New York.

I watched the bus load of men getting off, not realizing a bus of exclusively men is a bit odd in and of itself. But I watched them debark and thought nothing of it, that these men must love a good bus deal, and since many of the men behind the ribbon looked Hispanic themselves, I thought the men waiting must be family coming to pick them up. My hotel the bus was parked in front of however made me think twice. Many famous people had stayed at this hotel, mostly presidents for whatever reason. In fact the previous day I had literally seen Bill Clinton walking with guards down the street as I gawked dumbfounded at the randomness and presumed he may be staying at my hotel since he had before. It was a nice hotel, not the typical bus route stop.

“Hmm look at all those tan dudes” I thought more, realizing something was amiss. My next thought was maybe this is an immigration thing. A mini protest? There was an immigration office nearby which often had picketers. “Wow these guys are tall and fit. And they’re wearing matching outfits that say L.A. Oh. Oh OK. This is the L.A. Galaxy soccer team that David Beckham use to play for. And those are fans, not immigrants ready to protest or a group waiting for a good deal on a bus route, but fans waiting to see these men they adored. Am I racist?” I thought finally. I'm not for the record. I just do not know sports and the scene was unique. 

Indeed I was seeing what I now understand is one of the best soccer players in the world right now and oh my gosh I can’t even keep writing this. I so don’t care. The previous week at the hotel my boyfriend deduced that the Cleveland something was playing the Chicago Fire in soccer. He realized this at the gym and looking out the window seeing a group of men in matching warm up outfits in the park across from the hotel. He was excited because he was friends with a guy on the Cleveland team, they played soccer together at Berkeley. Holy shit I have done it again. These words are being typed out and I’m like goodness fingers stop, you don’t care. Ky was excited a the opportunity to meet up with his old buddy and asked the front desk if the team was staying there. The staff said they weren’t at liberty to say. Ky exclaimed “it was totally them” and then my eyes fell out of my head from dramatically eye rolling at the front desk staff and my boyfriend for coming across as a stalker fan instead of an old friend. Ky and the guy met up, and I opted to lay in bed and eat crackers spilling crumbs everywhere in lieu of meeting up with his famous friend.

I have dated guys who are technically professional athletes, and even met with the sister tennis legends who my then boyfriend was training. In the Bahamas I saw Scotty Pippin with his wife and family. I didn’t recognize any of them, it was my sisters whispering “that’s Scotty Pippin” and me whispering back “who?” “He’s like the most famous basketball player ever.” They retorted. “I don’t know who you’re talking about. Which guy is he?” I said staring into the sun. “Seriously he’s the man who looks 7 foot tall standing in the water. He played with Michael Jordan…. *silence ensued*…. His wife was on a Bravo tv show and he cameoed in Space Jam.” “Oh he is famous. You’re right, I’ve totally seen her on tv. Huh.” I noted unimpressed as I continued to bronze.

On that same trip we stood behind a baseball pitcher who I literally have to remember his name by thinking it sounded like marinara spaghetti sauce. Mariano Rivera. The women in line at the ice cream store were freaking out that we were “behind the greatest closing pitcher evah of all time.” “Which team?” I asked. “The Yahnkees.” They responded aghast.  “I thought the pitcher was Derek Jeter?” I asked my sisters not wanting to offend the crazy women. “He’s not the pitcher but he’s on the team. This is the closing pitcher.” That’s a thing? I asked. And it is. And I can’t even be bothered to google what the fuck that is. And to be honest while typing this I googled because I still thought Derek Jeter was a pitcher, but he hit the ball I guess. Whatever. Someone knows.

It’s not like I pride myself on not giving a fuck about who these people are, I just simply don’t. I enjoy watching the Olympics, but that is the extent of my sports enjoyment. And if the Olympics teaches me anything, the difference between the best in the world and the star of the high school/college/club team isn’t that much. Look at ski races. The difference between #1 in the world and the last is rarely more than a few seconds. My college boyfriend could beat the best female tennis players in the world with ease. Yea these people are good and all, but I guess it just seems pretty basic to me. It’s just not that cool to me. I feel like the guys from the British tv show The I.T. Crowd. (see picture).

I would have to think these athletes appreciate this about me. I am not trying to snap a picture, grab an autograph, or do anything beyond leaving you the hell alone. Because whatever it is they play, I promise you I don’t care. And if you’re looking tan in Chicago in the middle of winter and your name is Zlotan or whatever the hell it is, I’m going to assume you’re taking a cheap bus and your Uncle Louis is waiting to pick you up not that you're the best at oh my gosh whatever you do. Kick a ball or some la la la la la whatever. 

Me watching every sports game ever. 

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Post sharing edit : My boyfriend read this and informed me its the Columbus Crews not the Cleveland anything so yea. Now you know something you didn't need to know.