Do dah doo dah doo Doo dah doo doo do Doo Dah doo doo doo do California There I Was

The title must be sung to the theme song of The O.C. tv show. The tv show you watched in secret away from your parents. You didn’t want them to see you watching the raw realness of the high school drama. They needed to be shielded from the knowledge that you loved a tv show full of thirty year old “teenagers” just doing normal high school teenagey things like living with their boyfriends at 16 , lounging between your non-existent classes that were attendance optional, shopping in your Range Rover, and shooting your brother who you reconnected with recently when he goes into a drugged out rage and tries to rape your girlfriend. They were filthy rich, alcoholic drug addled consequence free "teens." It was the best. If you’re wondering why this doesn’t trend with your experience it’s probably because you didn’t grow up in Orange County California. It’s a California thing. Just like it’s a California thing to have a superiority complex.

The superiority complex is something my California boyfriend doesn’t get exactly, it’s this thing that I can’t quite articulate but I think it’s akin to Hilary Clinton calling Trump voters “deplorables.” California manages to do that to literally every other place in the country. You are a Californian, or you are not. 

Conversations with a Californian tend to go “oh I love [insert 49 possible other states] I went to [insert one city] and I did [insert one stereotypical thing to do in that state] it was great! But (there is always a but) I just love the California lifestyle.”

The predictability of these conversations is absurd and the quantifiability of that California lifestyle is hard to pin down precisely. This morning I drove to work and I was trying to define what time is. We we use time everyday, but how do we really define it?
I think that’s what has happened with the "California lifestyle." It’s this concept no one really tries to define, but more importantly it's always spoken of as if it’s unique with a fetishisized desire. Why else would every conversation go “[insert state] is great BUT California...?”

There is nothing unique to the California lifestyle, in fact it’s more often a California Dream perpetuated the wealth and abundance of a few in the state that trickles down to all the citizens of the state. Just like The O.C. isn’t a realistic high school experience for most, neither is the California dream. 

So I’m just guessing but I think the lifestyle may refer to the chilled out liberal vibe, the beach trips, the mountain hikes, the warm weather, the relaxing maxing all cool. But California is a huge fucking place, with almost 40 million people with an median salary of 61k per household, with a median house price of $393,000. The vast majority aren't in coastal abodes or little ski huts.
The vibe is obviously subjective but facts are not. The median income in the US is $59,000 with a house price of $188,900. In California it is pretty damn easy to feel and be poor given the income vs house price compared to the rest of the nation. Not everyone is the rich in Cali like Cohen family from the O.C. lavishly basking in consequence free abundant lifestyles in the state. The vast majority aren’t. Yet again the "California Lifestyle" is more of a "California Dream." You want to be that rich person wearing linen pants double fisting bottles of wine while you swerve along the Big Sur coast but the reality for most is schlepping around Grocery Outlets in the Central Valley.

So to the majority of the state, you like the lifestyle more? You like having to work forever because let’s face it, you can’t afford to quit? You like going to laundromats because nothing is included in your $3200 per month apartment? You like going to tourist destinations like beaches and mountains only to be surrounded by 2000 of your closest strangers because while there is lots to do, there are loads more people? You like sitting in traffic for hours to get anywhere, because again there are so many frantically chilled people who have to get around to their jobs they must keep to dodge homelessness all while being exhilarated to pay for parking even in the suburbs?

"Hey!" you may be thinking, that doesn’t sound chill, but you know California has weed! Yes they do, as do many other states, many before it was legal in California. California has really been riding that 420 coattail for too damn long. I’ll speak for the 49 other states, we get it you smoke.  Well I’ve got Xanax. And having had both, weed makes you laugh at fart jokes while Xanax makes you feel like Harry Potter finding out he’s a wizard.  

I don’t hate the place, I’m just sick of them acting like they invented happiness and relaxation and “chill.” They didn’t and what works for them is not for others. There are happy chill great lifestyle places everywhere. In Mississippi we had a two hour lunch break everyday and about 4 hours of work. That would be awful for a New Yorkers who wants to make deals all day but the Southerners ate it up, literally. Different personalities may just flock to the place that suits them best. Don't shit on other places because they're not for you. 

I’m a lot more relaxed when I’m not living paycheck to paycheck swarmed by people. I like not sitting in traffic. I go to beaches and mountains and I can actually swim at the beaches and not doing shoulder checks for lions in the mountains.  It came to a head when my boyfriend chided me to how I reacted to something differently than he would have. The thing is everyone is different, we like different things, we have different talents and skills wants and desires and most importantly personalities. Most places have something great about them. No caveat, no but. No superiority against the place. There are good things all over as well as bad. I’m glad people like California, but let's not pretend the happiness people feel there is just limited to that place. Maybe it's their home and they are comfortable, maybe they are aspiring to be (or are) rich, maybe they  a crystal humping hippie in the north, do as you want. I'm happy for you. But just like you’ve got your weed, we’ve got our Xanax, it’s not the same but it makes me really fucking happy.

Signed,

[Person from one of those 49 other states]