Stay Golden

 Greif is a strange thing. I drove over to my sisters house to see the dog I call Bunny. Like all goldens he burns brightly, too sweet and perfect for this world it seems. As I drove I thought yet again "I shouldn't be driving" there were too many tears to see properly. The last time this happened wasn't long ago, but that was because O stabbed me in the eye with his toothbrush and I went to the ER. Teardrops the size of dimes swelled in my perforated eyeball, yet I drove on. This time I felt my lips going numb as I suppressed loud gasping sobs. 

Memories came back as I drove past a cop. When I found out about our golden 13 years ago had cancer I drove home. My headlight was out but I was crying too hard to care. A cop pulled me over but when he saw how much I was crying he gave me an escort home. Here we are again, entirely too soon. 

My mom painted her kitchen, she's a boomer so she paints her kitchen not her hair. I understand. We all have our ways to cope. When I sat with Sherlock I slid my hand to his crotch. His favorite. He loves hand jobs. Dogs aren't blessed with hands I explained to K. He can't rub himself. It's not sexual on my end, only his. I looked over to C who was distraught. Our normally very horny dog feels so sick he doesn't even want a little rub down. It's funny and sad. I suppose it's not normal to try to sexually appease your dog, but it's also sad when what has always been his favorite thing is no longer bringing him joy. 

I don't have much more to joke with about on this matter other than I suppose I have my own dog now. I do in the literal sense, but he's not a golden, he's just a dog. And over time that thought of mine may change, but a lifetime of dogs who greet you with butt wags and singing spoils you. A dog who wouldn't dare put their mouth on you unless its to hold your hand, a dog who rolls over in your arms and slowly licks you, a dog who is effortlessly beautiful, majestic, and derpy all at the same time. A dog who closes his eyes in the shower as you wash his fur, who picks out the peas in his dinner bowl, who hugs you with both paws, who loves you because it's his nature. A Sherbert, a Sherlie, a Bunny, A Prince Feather Bottom. A dog worth driving through blinding tears just to remind him that you still love him, and to accept his slow licks a few more times.