Elfa

 

Can a set of Elfa drawers fix your life? Whenever I come to this crossroad question in my life my answer is clear. Yes. I may be unable to buy shampoo without a small breakdown, but I can buy a set of metal drawers that vary in cost between $200-$300 on a quarterly basis without hesitation. The drawers deserve praise. They slide so easily. I grew up in a house with beautiful antique furniture where you had to pull your back out to wench a drawer slightly open then scrape the top layer of your skin off to get your hand to desperately grab a t-shirt. My first big purchase after college was a $1200 set of drawers on silky smooth sliders with a soft close. You’d think this would satisfy me, and they do, but I now find them almost too far from my closet. And sure I can walk 17 feet from my closet to my drawers, but sometimes even that feels like too much. Our first year in our house could have had a bear living upstairs for all I knew. Our bedroom was on the first floor and who was I to traverse the 14 stairs up to the heavens?

Sometimes in life you need easy wins. It’s hard to pick out a bathing suit. I want to be able to swim, but probably not in the ocean because duh that’s scary. But I want the option ya know? Like what if this summer I change my entire personality this summer? And I want to be covered but not Amish. And active, but not Mia Hamm wins the World Cup. A bathing suit that when my anxiety takes over will make me aerodynamic enough to escape a tsunami and grip onto a tree holding all my loved ones until a safety arrives? It all becomes impossible for one bathing suit to handle, but what if…maybe… the solution I actually need is a functional white drawer to hold my old bathing suits? What if that’s the real problem? My crippling inability to make a decision about minor life details and anxiety that keeps my resting heart rate at a constant “or flight” mode isn’t the problem. It’s my closet only having 2 Elfa storage units.

As I mentally count my Elfa storage containers in my house, it’s nine right now, I flash to an image of me in a padded white room save for a handful of Elfa white storage drawers. Despite this mental image I am undeterred that some may say I have enough drawers.  Yes, let me check for an Elfa sale. Excellent! It’s a day that ends in ‘y’ which means they are having a limited time only offer of 30% off. Lemme drive over and pick up a few right quick!

Am I distracting myself? I don’t think so. I definitely don’t see me creating problems that don’t exist in my home so I can have simple wins that usually cost a few hundred dollars. I really am not just being crushed under the weight of my anxious thoughts and voices. Haha what a crazy silly thought that. You! Oh you silly you! You voice that isn’t there. Probably. I can’t tell anymore.

Anyways I just recounted. It’s 10 Elfa storage drawers. I knew I had more than 9! What other problems can we create to be solved by storage? We. Does anyone else always refer to themselves as we or is that just me? I think I need to move. You know what travels well? A set of smooth rolling white drawers.

I probably should hire a tax lawyer because yet again the IRS is auditing me and yet again they are wrong because they are stupid. Should have put my tax documents in Elfa storage. That wouldn't have made a difference obviously... obviously my inner voice cackles.. that wouldn't help us she finishes. Oh geez. Us? Does my inner voice also have an inner voice or is us just us two? You know the sane me and the inner voice who yammers a lot. Does she have a we too? We may be in this deeper than we thought.

Wait, who is the we now if it's not including her? Do we have two sane voices and one ya know... crazy one. "I don't think so I reply" Damn it. I said I reply. We gotta get a firm number on this. None of this 6 to 8 Netherlands bullshit. 

Oh my gosh. I have figured it out! You have? Yes! An Elfa storage drawer for each of my personalities! Let's make sure we get the little drawer stopper thing though so they don't just slip out. Yes I think that's a good idea. Some of us are crazy!