Sloshed Saturday

 It started when he took off his diaper. Fair enough, he's done this for about a year now. Initially he discovered it could be done, but now in the potty training days it's more "hey mom and dad, not sure if you noticed but I am drenched in pee" except it comes off more as "yuck wet diaper." In the onslought of a usual Saturday morning Ky and I were stepping on crunched Cheerios, separating tiny toddler boxing matches, mediating grueling fights over hops (the bunny rabbit collection) and both gripping for our morning caffeine that remained out of reach like the holy grail in Indiana Jones. Separate the fight, reach for the cup, alas a yogurt bowl has been thrown! Dodge and weave!

Our house is generally a step below a biohazaard but we do the best we can. The most brilliant decision we made in our home was to buy a trash carpet, a large $150 ish dollar area rug that has a variety of colors and designs to hide the vast majority of stains. I have taken a laissez-faire approach perhaps at times too far with this carpet. I imagine the first pee stain I probably cleaned, then a poop pellet fell out of a diaper and it's really just a cautionary tale now of how your resolve can and should wear down when dealing with a constantly disheveled house. You can be happy and have happy kids but a floor that will coat your bare feet with a Cheerio dust sand, or you can be miserable and have kids who are bored but a clean house. I suppose you can also be rich and have someone do the cleaning for you, but that isn't us. The closest we get is when family comes by and helps us. I have been meaning to clean the spilled apple juice off the wall since January 1st when our panda bear of a child took a trust step into the unknown again like that scene in Indiana Jones. Little did we know the baby gate wasn't functioning and her quiet chubby feet led her out of the play area and to the top stair. Like Indiana Jones closing his eyes and stepping forward on the leap of faith she too stepped into the abyss as I screamed and Ky threw up a bottle of apple juice as we watched in horror. Thankfully, like a panda bear she rolled and was fine as confirmed by the ER. 

All this to say, mornings are hectic and we forgot to put a new diaper on Bunny Boy which led to him peeing his pants at the park before we were heading to the expo which led to me saying "let's just grab a pair of pants at like a Walmart or something" which led to Ky putting in directions on his phone because we didn't know where we were but could find a close by store. This led to him finding a clothing store that when we arrived was closed. This led to a new Walmart search but Ky selected a Walmart Market which is apparently a grocery chain and Google Maps said Grocery Store but he didn't read that. He defended himself saying "How would I know that" and I retorted  "You read the name of the store." He defended himself again and I responded exasperated "well fuck me but we are about to go on a trip where we won't know where anything is and we are going to HAVE TO READ A MAP" all while the kids at this point snoozed in the back of the car. We eventually chipped away at our marriage to arrive at a Walmart about 6 minutes from our house which really meant I could have just gone home and not spent money on new pants. But I was determined. Walmart was in the process of turning over winter to spring clothing and had no boy pants. I'm not a believer in gendered clothing, but I do know Bunny likes and probably wouldn't be stoked to wear tight unicorn leggings. Then hearing the echo of every person over 50 in my mind in asking "if he's a boy why did you put him in that?" and not wanting to deal with it but also wanting to get something he liked I perseverated over the 3 pant chooses for way too long and settled on purple tie dye which I knew he'd like. 

Back to the car to go to the pet expo! We could only hope it would be worth it! Upon entering the open warehouse room we saw a large expansive center pen with a few pet clothing booths on the perimeter and not much else. In the center pen some dogs were doing an agility course. We have all seen the Westminster Dog Show and I would hardly call that riveting and that has editing and multiple stages. This was akin to the neighborhood 7 year old putting on a play in their backyard and demanding you come, but also actually purchase a ticket. There was an announcer even narrating the dogs casually walking up to various  PVC pipe hurdles. The dogs weren't even performative enough to give you a zany outtake because these were all just pets put into a pen by an overzealous owner. Ultimately Bunny's favorite part was an empty dog crate and Panda just wanted to sit in the wagon and eat snacks in true panda fashion. 

The pet expo was a wash and we puttered back home having only entertained the kids for a few hours while simultaneously getting into another fight about communication. Some days I have actually just started the day with Ky saying "I'm going to get the fight out of the way - you need to communicate your thoughts and feelings to me. Don't assume things in your head and just be forthcoming." The fight generally happens at least once a week and they aren't big, just another reminded that instead of offering comfort or allyship in what is an amazing but also tiring part of our lives he chose to remain silent. The person who can relate most to how phenomenal our kids are, but also laugh at how much all consuming energy they have is him, and I sometimes feel I have to puppeteer him to talk to me. We are tired, but we still need to relate to each other too. 

The exhaustion of the day led to us lazily hanging out at home the rest of the day but that is realistically when Ky and I bond the most. We have spent the majority of each day together for now 3 solid years. Some people may think "ah yes initially for quarantine and now to play with the kids." But that isn't it entirely. Yes because we love being with the kids, but also I love being with him. He's smart and funny and I want to be with him. He calls it co-dependent and I say "did I ask you, stop talking....WHY WON'T YOU COMMUNICATE MORE?" Just kidding, I googled it, we aren't co-dependent. Turns out I think that phrase is misused. I just like to be with my family and when Ky and I sit on the sofa I know no one else would want to watch a finance video on market options, followed by a chemist removing caffeine from a Red Bull then cackle with me as we watch Ethan Chelbowski, a person who is likely not a household name anywhere else in the world, snarf down a bowl of macaroni and cheese to see the impacts of truffle oil. We are a niche duo.

It can be fun to embrace the mess of our daily lives (initially I accidentally typed faily and that sort of works too). Our walls have permanent apple juice streaks and our carpet has literal shit in it, it was wiped down with a Clorox wipe, but it's still gross. We get dirty at the park and Panda keeps her mouth on the metal chain of the swings the whole time she is on it like a horse with a bit. Bunny leaves a poop trail of round pellets like an actual bunny. We accidentally left one poop pellet next to a pool in Florida recently and Ky got caught changing Bunny's diaper in the dumpster area of the restaurant. Why he didn't change him in the bathroom or our car like usual is unknown, but he said he wanted to be near the trash can, never mind the trashcan in this area was actually a fenced off portion next to the restaurant with grease traps and the likes and not intended to be public use. 

It has been one week since the pet expo mentally draining day and it is a new rainy Saturday as I write this. I have been awake since 4:30 am because I just sometimes don't need sleep. I have a dinner with friends tonight which happens about twice a year and I already know I will miss being home with Ky and the kids watching Ty Tu (Kid Crew) on the sofa pulling a Cheerio off my foot.