House Sweet House
I've been looking to buy a house for quite some time now. Certainly over six months. I've been looking at land and houses. Land was a pipe dream as I fairly quickly realized I couldn't afford to buy the land, clear it, get all the septic setup, then build the house of my dreams. I'm sure many people go through this same fallacy.
People tell me not to rush it, which I don't think I have. Many of my friends have been home owners for years at this point, I've been looking for months and months, and I have lived with my sister for about a decade. With my fiance moving in I really think it's time I get out of her hair. But all this moving has made me realize a few things.
1) I feel poor. I would say I am poor, but that is truly not the case. But who knew wanting the safety of at least a two block distance between you and the nearest violent sexual offender merits a half million dollars? Everyone in my city clearly.
2) Schools are atrocious. Find a cute house for under $350,000? Well its school will be rated a 1/10. What exactly does this mean? I don't know what a 1/10 school is, but I once worked with a woman who said of our Ecuadorian Electrical Engineer "he don't even speak English good" and I would have to imagine she was at one of those 1/10 schools at some point.
3) I am a snob. There are certain areas you see that you just internally groan at. Growing up in the area I am wanting to buy in has given me decades of pre-conceived notions are various areas. But I'm not alone. When I tell me sister or friends I'm looking at houses over the river the response is the same. "Ew why?" Mind you I drove over the river and went through the neighborhoods, they have decent schools, beautiful established trees, large lot spaces, and Trump signs... ew indeed.
4) Snob Part 2. There are counties that are nice and open, but it seems like the people there always end up the same. They marry their high school sweetheart, they do a one week annual beach trip to North Carolina, their husband hunts, and by 23 they already seem sick of his shit. It's amazing. I am getting my hair done by a woman 8 years younger than me complaining about her husband that she's been with for 9 years. They met at 13 and just stayed stuck together. Maybe these people are the loves of their lives, but when the jokes are mostly about leaving him and how he never puts anything away I start to think the wide open spaces in those counties just make you lonely and willing to pick the first Joe, Joey, Big Joe, Joe Jr, or Marshall that comes your way.
5) And finally the biggest thing I've noticed is paltry little statements of "it'll work out." What a phrase we over use. It's common courtesy to say as much. Like when passing a acquaintance or coworker and you say the "hey how's it going?" the only expected response is a high pitched "good, good, going good, you?" to which they reply "same same, well nice to see you." You don't say "Well a little rough morning, I've been constipated but my Metamucil really kicked into high gear right when my meeting was starting!" You say good and move on. In the same way when someone is fretting over something you tell them it will work out. But my anxiety brain immediately blurts out "you don't know that." And its true, I don't know that. My sister bought a house and immediately it had a leak, needed new appliances, and the yard was flooded. My other sister bought a house and had to rip out the kitchen and get new pipes and a heater. $100,000 later things are looking up in the house, but it wasn't a smooth journey.
The other time this phrase is used is when someone is feeling sad and single. "Oh you'll find someone, it'll work out." But with the overuse of that phrase how many people do you think heard that and in fact did not find someone to work it out with? I would say at least one. And how could they remedy that? Well maybe work on themselves if there is something hard to love, but looking around there really sort of is a seat for every toilet out there. Do you identify as a animal instead of human, want to walk around in a fur outfit and latex suit? Well there is a whole convention of your peers. But if there is a seat for every toilet you may have to consider what kind of toilet you get. Sure you may be a shiny heated Toto toilet seat with splurts out flower scents, but you may not find your Toto base, ready to shoot spring water up your hoo-hah. You may have to lower your standard and get a mineral water stained toilet that was left out by the mailbox. Sure things may work out, but you'll have to adjust your expectations.
As for a house this means many of my hopes and desires are being ripped right off the list. Budget is sticking because if nothing else I don't want to be house poor. But two stories, large windows, non-contemporary exterior, good schools, and safe area now all seem a little too much to ask. I may have to settle for a split level house with a bizarre overhang that looks like a bad overbite, creepy basement level windows along the ground ready for the family to sit in and look up at the outside from like the family in Parasite, a closet made for Polly Pocket, and a bathroom shower stall that reminds you of the austerity of post-WW2 disillusionment. You don't need a large shower, your elbows can hit the doors and if you drop the soap you can't physically lean over to get it but that's what you deserve you snowflake. This is a 1945 house build. The bonus of this kind of house is if you hear a strange noise in the night it will be easy to convince yourself it was something breaking in the house as opposed to something more creepy. Something probably did break. But it'll work out.
People tell me not to rush it, which I don't think I have. Many of my friends have been home owners for years at this point, I've been looking for months and months, and I have lived with my sister for about a decade. With my fiance moving in I really think it's time I get out of her hair. But all this moving has made me realize a few things.
1) I feel poor. I would say I am poor, but that is truly not the case. But who knew wanting the safety of at least a two block distance between you and the nearest violent sexual offender merits a half million dollars? Everyone in my city clearly.
2) Schools are atrocious. Find a cute house for under $350,000? Well its school will be rated a 1/10. What exactly does this mean? I don't know what a 1/10 school is, but I once worked with a woman who said of our Ecuadorian Electrical Engineer "he don't even speak English good" and I would have to imagine she was at one of those 1/10 schools at some point.
3) I am a snob. There are certain areas you see that you just internally groan at. Growing up in the area I am wanting to buy in has given me decades of pre-conceived notions are various areas. But I'm not alone. When I tell me sister or friends I'm looking at houses over the river the response is the same. "Ew why?" Mind you I drove over the river and went through the neighborhoods, they have decent schools, beautiful established trees, large lot spaces, and Trump signs... ew indeed.
4) Snob Part 2. There are counties that are nice and open, but it seems like the people there always end up the same. They marry their high school sweetheart, they do a one week annual beach trip to North Carolina, their husband hunts, and by 23 they already seem sick of his shit. It's amazing. I am getting my hair done by a woman 8 years younger than me complaining about her husband that she's been with for 9 years. They met at 13 and just stayed stuck together. Maybe these people are the loves of their lives, but when the jokes are mostly about leaving him and how he never puts anything away I start to think the wide open spaces in those counties just make you lonely and willing to pick the first Joe, Joey, Big Joe, Joe Jr, or Marshall that comes your way.
5) And finally the biggest thing I've noticed is paltry little statements of "it'll work out." What a phrase we over use. It's common courtesy to say as much. Like when passing a acquaintance or coworker and you say the "hey how's it going?" the only expected response is a high pitched "good, good, going good, you?" to which they reply "same same, well nice to see you." You don't say "Well a little rough morning, I've been constipated but my Metamucil really kicked into high gear right when my meeting was starting!" You say good and move on. In the same way when someone is fretting over something you tell them it will work out. But my anxiety brain immediately blurts out "you don't know that." And its true, I don't know that. My sister bought a house and immediately it had a leak, needed new appliances, and the yard was flooded. My other sister bought a house and had to rip out the kitchen and get new pipes and a heater. $100,000 later things are looking up in the house, but it wasn't a smooth journey.
The other time this phrase is used is when someone is feeling sad and single. "Oh you'll find someone, it'll work out." But with the overuse of that phrase how many people do you think heard that and in fact did not find someone to work it out with? I would say at least one. And how could they remedy that? Well maybe work on themselves if there is something hard to love, but looking around there really sort of is a seat for every toilet out there. Do you identify as a animal instead of human, want to walk around in a fur outfit and latex suit? Well there is a whole convention of your peers. But if there is a seat for every toilet you may have to consider what kind of toilet you get. Sure you may be a shiny heated Toto toilet seat with splurts out flower scents, but you may not find your Toto base, ready to shoot spring water up your hoo-hah. You may have to lower your standard and get a mineral water stained toilet that was left out by the mailbox. Sure things may work out, but you'll have to adjust your expectations.
As for a house this means many of my hopes and desires are being ripped right off the list. Budget is sticking because if nothing else I don't want to be house poor. But two stories, large windows, non-contemporary exterior, good schools, and safe area now all seem a little too much to ask. I may have to settle for a split level house with a bizarre overhang that looks like a bad overbite, creepy basement level windows along the ground ready for the family to sit in and look up at the outside from like the family in Parasite, a closet made for Polly Pocket, and a bathroom shower stall that reminds you of the austerity of post-WW2 disillusionment. You don't need a large shower, your elbows can hit the doors and if you drop the soap you can't physically lean over to get it but that's what you deserve you snowflake. This is a 1945 house build. The bonus of this kind of house is if you hear a strange noise in the night it will be easy to convince yourself it was something breaking in the house as opposed to something more creepy. Something probably did break. But it'll work out.
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