Unremarkable.
Go to a National Park. Somewhere extra gorgeous not that Congaree swamp non-sense. We get it, you wanted South Carolina to have something to hold onto other than racism.
No, you go to a gorgeous National Park, one that is breathtaking, one that is such an alien beauty that you keep staring wondering if it is all real, then stand in the valley of a canyon looking up at white and red walls, with a clear river winding around your feet, as green trees thrive in a lush grotto, and furry animals scamper around.
Then sit on the shuttle taking you to the next hike, something that will inevitably offer more ethereal views and listen to some L.A. sounding girls behind you orgasm over pictures of themselves.
"Oh mah gawd. Yurh abs look sah gud. Like seriously oh mah gawd. How do yurh abs looks sah gud? I wish mah abs looked like as gud as yours."
The girl takes the phone from her friend, each wearing bras and spandex pants for their day of hiking. Well not hiking exactly, their day of documenting themselves in places would be more accurate.
The humble one responds. "I do look sah gud. Like I look sah gud. My abs are great. I love this picture. I look awesome. My body is like perfect. I love it. Oh mah gawd, beb, beb look, beb. My abs look awesome in this picture."
Beb looks over. This man is basic as ever and has managed to snag this intelligent little vixen. "Beb you look hot. You look so gud."
Meanwhile we are riding a shuttle through the majestic Zion National Park as the driver states the first paintings of Zion were presented at a Worlds Fair and people were in disbelief. They truly did not think a place so unique, so stunning, so incredible could be real. And once they found out it was, people started making the trek to Utah to see this beguiling location.
Probably like these girls. I bet people on Instagram will look at their pictures and be so blown away it can't be real. Just kidding. Literally no one will think that. Well they make thing the fake part. Heaven knows despite the immense self satisfaction (sah gud) they may still filter the shit out of the photos to ensure that pesky background is diminished and the abs really pop.
It's easy to think wow you're in this incredibly beautiful place, a place that many people will never be able to see due to money, time, or ability, and as we wind through this canyon and you can't even bother to look up from your phone filled with pictures of yourself. The person you see all day in a mirror.
No, the best thought it looking at this canyon that was made 250 million years ago and it has looked incredible ever since. Your face, your abs, all that, will be ugly long before an ounce of this canyons beauty is diminished. Unremarkable.
The shuttle stopped at the end of the park. "Last stop, welcome to the Narrows. The ride back to the Visitor Center will take 45 minutes."
The Instagirls heads popped up from their black mirrors like prairie dogs on the plain.
"Wah?" "Like its like not that far to the Visitor Center is it?" Their bebs looked around in disbelief seeing the windows of the shuttle for the first time. "Are we in the wrong spot?" "Why are we here? We want to be at the Visitor Center, it can't be that far"
I stepped in. "It is that far to the Visitor Center, this shuttle will turn around and take you back. But its about 45 minutes."
They had been so absorbed in pictures of the themselves they not only got on the wrong shuttle on an option of 2 shuttles, but they sat on the wrong shuttle for over 20 minutes, making multiple stops, with ample indication of which direction we were traveling (and the ample windows that you could have looked out of and seen you were going in the wrong direction). It was so... remarkable.
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Things overheard in Zion (aside from the vapid twins rubbing one out to pictures of themselves.
The Scene : A steep hike with a father and son (Angels Landing)
Dad : "If mom was here, she would have gotten to this point and turned around" *pointing below to the beginning of the steep portion of the hike*
9 year old son imitating mother : "I will go wait in the car. I need to check Facebook."
The Scene : Walking down the steep hike (Angel's Landing, leaving the most dangerous portion of the hike (the chain part), a hike known for having multiple falling deaths per year. A father and son hiking.
Son : "Dah, I don't feel comfortable leaving mum. Let's stop"
Dad, harshly : "She's fine, I left her with those two men" *as he power walked onward*
No, you go to a gorgeous National Park, one that is breathtaking, one that is such an alien beauty that you keep staring wondering if it is all real, then stand in the valley of a canyon looking up at white and red walls, with a clear river winding around your feet, as green trees thrive in a lush grotto, and furry animals scamper around.
Then sit on the shuttle taking you to the next hike, something that will inevitably offer more ethereal views and listen to some L.A. sounding girls behind you orgasm over pictures of themselves.
"Oh mah gawd. Yurh abs look sah gud. Like seriously oh mah gawd. How do yurh abs looks sah gud? I wish mah abs looked like as gud as yours."
The girl takes the phone from her friend, each wearing bras and spandex pants for their day of hiking. Well not hiking exactly, their day of documenting themselves in places would be more accurate.
The humble one responds. "I do look sah gud. Like I look sah gud. My abs are great. I love this picture. I look awesome. My body is like perfect. I love it. Oh mah gawd, beb, beb look, beb. My abs look awesome in this picture."
Beb looks over. This man is basic as ever and has managed to snag this intelligent little vixen. "Beb you look hot. You look so gud."
Meanwhile we are riding a shuttle through the majestic Zion National Park as the driver states the first paintings of Zion were presented at a Worlds Fair and people were in disbelief. They truly did not think a place so unique, so stunning, so incredible could be real. And once they found out it was, people started making the trek to Utah to see this beguiling location.
Probably like these girls. I bet people on Instagram will look at their pictures and be so blown away it can't be real. Just kidding. Literally no one will think that. Well they make thing the fake part. Heaven knows despite the immense self satisfaction (sah gud) they may still filter the shit out of the photos to ensure that pesky background is diminished and the abs really pop.
It's easy to think wow you're in this incredibly beautiful place, a place that many people will never be able to see due to money, time, or ability, and as we wind through this canyon and you can't even bother to look up from your phone filled with pictures of yourself. The person you see all day in a mirror.
No, the best thought it looking at this canyon that was made 250 million years ago and it has looked incredible ever since. Your face, your abs, all that, will be ugly long before an ounce of this canyons beauty is diminished. Unremarkable.
The shuttle stopped at the end of the park. "Last stop, welcome to the Narrows. The ride back to the Visitor Center will take 45 minutes."
The Instagirls heads popped up from their black mirrors like prairie dogs on the plain.
"Wah?" "Like its like not that far to the Visitor Center is it?" Their bebs looked around in disbelief seeing the windows of the shuttle for the first time. "Are we in the wrong spot?" "Why are we here? We want to be at the Visitor Center, it can't be that far"
I stepped in. "It is that far to the Visitor Center, this shuttle will turn around and take you back. But its about 45 minutes."
They had been so absorbed in pictures of the themselves they not only got on the wrong shuttle on an option of 2 shuttles, but they sat on the wrong shuttle for over 20 minutes, making multiple stops, with ample indication of which direction we were traveling (and the ample windows that you could have looked out of and seen you were going in the wrong direction). It was so... remarkable.
____________________________________________________________________________
Things overheard in Zion (aside from the vapid twins rubbing one out to pictures of themselves.
The Scene : A steep hike with a father and son (Angels Landing)
Dad : "If mom was here, she would have gotten to this point and turned around" *pointing below to the beginning of the steep portion of the hike*
9 year old son imitating mother : "I will go wait in the car. I need to check Facebook."
The Scene : Walking down the steep hike (Angel's Landing, leaving the most dangerous portion of the hike (the chain part), a hike known for having multiple falling deaths per year. A father and son hiking.
Son : "Dah, I don't feel comfortable leaving mum. Let's stop"
Dad, harshly : "She's fine, I left her with those two men" *as he power walked onward*
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