A Saucy Sexy Tale of Naughty Blumping Intrigue
I watched Voldemort gently and repeatedly caress the hair of his ensnared lady love. Their story came to me in a flash....
She was in a backless dress in the balmy Chicago winter. She checked the weather report to see it was rainy with a high of 38, perfect for that short blue number she picked up at Cache after her divorce for the cruise she took immediately after with her besties Cathy and Deborah. It was the perfect outfit for the finance conference taking place that evening. Sid would be there soon.
Oh Sid she thought dreamily imagining her reflection in his bald head, how she wanted to see that reflection like the mirror on a bedroom ceiling. Maybe should could play Monica and him Bill as he defiled the daredevil blue dress. She slipped it on and popped a bottle of coconut oil in her bag. It was the Costco economy size. Coconut oil, great for hair and down there she mused.
He arrived via Uber, a brown 2002 Kia ready to pick her up from her complex in Oak Park. My shining knight she thought. He stayed in the car and popped the door open for her, a true gentleman, before scooting over a foot. "Tight quarters back here" he said snuggling up to her, stroking her neck in a way that made Carlos, the Uber driver balk, his eyes bulging from the awkward interaction. 'Is he going to lick her face?' Carlos thought uncomfortably. He turned his music up louder. "Oh Pitbull, I love his Latin flare" she said dancing in the seat as Sid mouthed 'Mr. Worldwide' into her ear. She squealed. Carlos farted to break the disgusting interaction occurring in the backseat of his car. The bald man inhaled deeply and erotically. "Latin flare indeed Rita" he exclaimed. At the next stop light Carlos would be deleting Uber from his apps and scraping the damn sticker off his car. By the length of the dress he imagined he may need to pick up some seat cleaner too.
Finally they arrived at the hotel. Sid tossed Carlos a dollar while getting out of the car saying "thanks Kid." Carlos rolled his eyes while texting his wife "omg these people were seriously about to bang in the car. I'm quitting, not worth it. Seriously gross."
"You look ravishing Rita." Sid cooed inside the building. She leaned in to kiss him but his fingers blocked her before she could reach his face, he inserted his fingers into her mouth. They tasted like mayonnaise. So tangy she thought. "Why wait Sid, you're why I'm really here, not for the financial speech." But her words didn't come out like that they came out like "wah weey Sthid, yur wah um wrilly here, nah fuh tuh fphinansheel speech" because Sid still had three fingers in her mouth.
"Ouch" he purred "you bit me." He removed his fingers, they dripped with minty fresh saliva.
"Waiting will make it so much better, also I have a surprise for later." She smiled, he smiled. She will never guess its my penis he thought to himself smirking.
"Did you make a tuna salad for dinner tonight?"
"No" he responded. "Egg salad, chicken salad, a dressing of some kind?" She pressed further. "No haha" he laughed, but he actually said ha-ha instead of a natural reaction to the odd line of questions. "Why do you ask?" He said. "Oh no reason ha-ha" she faux laughed in reply wondering why there was such a strong mayonnaise taste in her mouth.
The financial speech came and went "come upstairs, I want to watch you imbide the fruits of the gods with me" Sid said. "You make it sound so lavish Sid." Rita said shivering in her dress. "There is a fire upstairs that will keep you warm, for now, afterwards it will be my body" Sid said staring directly into Rita's eyes. "I'm 98 degrees inside you know" He winked. She wondered if he intended for her to be inside him later that evening and exactly what it would entail, but questions could wait Rita she thought to herself, Sid Lancaster is mine.
They sat themselves across the fireplace. A couple already rested on the other sofa chatting merrily together. I'll give them something to dream about Sid thought.
Sid began to undress Rita from her coat while stroking her course blonde dyed hair. She felt like his dog he got after college. He nuzzled her face remembering the fond love he had for Bailey his cocker spaniel. He got aroused thinking of the dog and began to pet Rita more firmly while licking her face like Bailey had always licked his. They kissed slowly and repeatedly. Over and over they kissed and made out. The other couple watched in horror. The wait staff avoided them. We are oozing sensuality they thought.
He whispered in her ear "I want to pee on you" he growled into her ear. I want you to be my hydrant and I will mark my spot" Rita was in heaven. Sid got up to excuse himself to see if the hotel had any rooms available. Nothing said sexy like a brightly lit hotel room with an industrial strength Toto toilet.
Rita frantically texted Deborah "Omg :o we Are getting entertainment" she wrote misspelling intimate and unable to fix the autocorrect. "We are going to duck" she sent after to clarify.
The tall bald man who looked like Voldemort was back and leaning over "I got us a room" he said while deeply inhaling Rita's hair. "Is that Tresemme shampoo?" He asked. Oh Bailey he thought, you two are so similar. Two vixens in the night.
The lesson here is don't be that weird couple that makes out incredibly deliberately, awkwardly, and slowly at 7:50 at night in a public hotel lobby that happens to look swanky. It's gross and weird I will write an unattractive fan fiction about it. I was that "other" couple on the sofa.
She was in a backless dress in the balmy Chicago winter. She checked the weather report to see it was rainy with a high of 38, perfect for that short blue number she picked up at Cache after her divorce for the cruise she took immediately after with her besties Cathy and Deborah. It was the perfect outfit for the finance conference taking place that evening. Sid would be there soon.
Oh Sid she thought dreamily imagining her reflection in his bald head, how she wanted to see that reflection like the mirror on a bedroom ceiling. Maybe should could play Monica and him Bill as he defiled the daredevil blue dress. She slipped it on and popped a bottle of coconut oil in her bag. It was the Costco economy size. Coconut oil, great for hair and down there she mused.
He arrived via Uber, a brown 2002 Kia ready to pick her up from her complex in Oak Park. My shining knight she thought. He stayed in the car and popped the door open for her, a true gentleman, before scooting over a foot. "Tight quarters back here" he said snuggling up to her, stroking her neck in a way that made Carlos, the Uber driver balk, his eyes bulging from the awkward interaction. 'Is he going to lick her face?' Carlos thought uncomfortably. He turned his music up louder. "Oh Pitbull, I love his Latin flare" she said dancing in the seat as Sid mouthed 'Mr. Worldwide' into her ear. She squealed. Carlos farted to break the disgusting interaction occurring in the backseat of his car. The bald man inhaled deeply and erotically. "Latin flare indeed Rita" he exclaimed. At the next stop light Carlos would be deleting Uber from his apps and scraping the damn sticker off his car. By the length of the dress he imagined he may need to pick up some seat cleaner too.
Finally they arrived at the hotel. Sid tossed Carlos a dollar while getting out of the car saying "thanks Kid." Carlos rolled his eyes while texting his wife "omg these people were seriously about to bang in the car. I'm quitting, not worth it. Seriously gross."
"You look ravishing Rita." Sid cooed inside the building. She leaned in to kiss him but his fingers blocked her before she could reach his face, he inserted his fingers into her mouth. They tasted like mayonnaise. So tangy she thought. "Why wait Sid, you're why I'm really here, not for the financial speech." But her words didn't come out like that they came out like "wah weey Sthid, yur wah um wrilly here, nah fuh tuh fphinansheel speech" because Sid still had three fingers in her mouth.
"Ouch" he purred "you bit me." He removed his fingers, they dripped with minty fresh saliva.
"Waiting will make it so much better, also I have a surprise for later." She smiled, he smiled. She will never guess its my penis he thought to himself smirking.
"Did you make a tuna salad for dinner tonight?"
"No" he responded. "Egg salad, chicken salad, a dressing of some kind?" She pressed further. "No haha" he laughed, but he actually said ha-ha instead of a natural reaction to the odd line of questions. "Why do you ask?" He said. "Oh no reason ha-ha" she faux laughed in reply wondering why there was such a strong mayonnaise taste in her mouth.
The financial speech came and went "come upstairs, I want to watch you imbide the fruits of the gods with me" Sid said. "You make it sound so lavish Sid." Rita said shivering in her dress. "There is a fire upstairs that will keep you warm, for now, afterwards it will be my body" Sid said staring directly into Rita's eyes. "I'm 98 degrees inside you know" He winked. She wondered if he intended for her to be inside him later that evening and exactly what it would entail, but questions could wait Rita she thought to herself, Sid Lancaster is mine.
They sat themselves across the fireplace. A couple already rested on the other sofa chatting merrily together. I'll give them something to dream about Sid thought.
Sid began to undress Rita from her coat while stroking her course blonde dyed hair. She felt like his dog he got after college. He nuzzled her face remembering the fond love he had for Bailey his cocker spaniel. He got aroused thinking of the dog and began to pet Rita more firmly while licking her face like Bailey had always licked his. They kissed slowly and repeatedly. Over and over they kissed and made out. The other couple watched in horror. The wait staff avoided them. We are oozing sensuality they thought.
He whispered in her ear "I want to pee on you" he growled into her ear. I want you to be my hydrant and I will mark my spot" Rita was in heaven. Sid got up to excuse himself to see if the hotel had any rooms available. Nothing said sexy like a brightly lit hotel room with an industrial strength Toto toilet.
Rita frantically texted Deborah "Omg :o we Are getting entertainment" she wrote misspelling intimate and unable to fix the autocorrect. "We are going to duck" she sent after to clarify.
The tall bald man who looked like Voldemort was back and leaning over "I got us a room" he said while deeply inhaling Rita's hair. "Is that Tresemme shampoo?" He asked. Oh Bailey he thought, you two are so similar. Two vixens in the night.
The lesson here is don't be that weird couple that makes out incredibly deliberately, awkwardly, and slowly at 7:50 at night in a public hotel lobby that happens to look swanky. It's gross and weird I will write an unattractive fan fiction about it. I was that "other" couple on the sofa.
Comments
Post a Comment