News in Brief
Area journalists left in daze after yet another shooting.
42 year old journalist Gale Stenson and 38 year old Peter Robinowitz are left in shambles after yet another mass shooting took place, this time in their home state of California. Manager of the California Chronicle Tim Ingles is left to pick up the pieces.
"It's just been really hard on our journalists. These journalists are the unsung victims of all these shootings. They went to school for journalism and they just are out of words. Literally they are out of words. It's causing them to twitch, scratch, and stutter and it's just getting out of hand." Tim said going over to hold Peters hand reassuring him it would be ok. When interviewed Peters said "they didn't prepare me for this in class. Th-th-th-thesaurus my ass. I used 'gut wrenching, heart breaking, horrific, heinous act' for last weeks sh-sh-sh-shooting and f-f-f-friggin gah fucking shit. It's shit. I used 'mentally deranged' and 'no motive, meaningless, no cause, no reason for this atrocious act against humanity' when the kids were shot. I'm out of words. Websters dictionary can kiss my ass."
We tried to get a comment from Gale who was just rocking back in forth under her desk cooing to herself "you is clever, you is smart, you can write, same story, same story" before hitting herself screaming "find another synonym you dumb fuck." She was restrained by Tim who let out a sigh. "See what I'm dealing with here? They feel drained, like they've used up all their best adjectives on the last shooting."
Yes a true tragedy indeed. The U.S. government has tried their best to handle gun violence by going as far as admitting that guns do in fact exist to almost acknowledging guns played a role in last weeks mass shooting. What else can be done? What else indeed. A small silver lining to all this is that Merriam-Websters dictionary Vice Chair, Riley Adams, has agreed to develop at least 50 more synonyms for heinous this year alone. "Look we don't want the English language to grow stale. So we are going to put forth the effort so we can finally describe each tragic shooting in a unique way with words ranging from Latin to Germanic derivation. Until then to all the journalists out there, hang tight. Learn French or Spanish, they have words that mean horrific as well, it may mean the same thing, but it can take the bite out of writing the same story every single week." Riley concluded the sentiment with a long drag of a cigarette while staring into the void.
42 year old journalist Gale Stenson and 38 year old Peter Robinowitz are left in shambles after yet another mass shooting took place, this time in their home state of California. Manager of the California Chronicle Tim Ingles is left to pick up the pieces.
"It's just been really hard on our journalists. These journalists are the unsung victims of all these shootings. They went to school for journalism and they just are out of words. Literally they are out of words. It's causing them to twitch, scratch, and stutter and it's just getting out of hand." Tim said going over to hold Peters hand reassuring him it would be ok. When interviewed Peters said "they didn't prepare me for this in class. Th-th-th-thesaurus my ass. I used 'gut wrenching, heart breaking, horrific, heinous act' for last weeks sh-sh-sh-shooting and f-f-f-friggin gah fucking shit. It's shit. I used 'mentally deranged' and 'no motive, meaningless, no cause, no reason for this atrocious act against humanity' when the kids were shot. I'm out of words. Websters dictionary can kiss my ass."
We tried to get a comment from Gale who was just rocking back in forth under her desk cooing to herself "you is clever, you is smart, you can write, same story, same story" before hitting herself screaming "find another synonym you dumb fuck." She was restrained by Tim who let out a sigh. "See what I'm dealing with here? They feel drained, like they've used up all their best adjectives on the last shooting."
Yes a true tragedy indeed. The U.S. government has tried their best to handle gun violence by going as far as admitting that guns do in fact exist to almost acknowledging guns played a role in last weeks mass shooting. What else can be done? What else indeed. A small silver lining to all this is that Merriam-Websters dictionary Vice Chair, Riley Adams, has agreed to develop at least 50 more synonyms for heinous this year alone. "Look we don't want the English language to grow stale. So we are going to put forth the effort so we can finally describe each tragic shooting in a unique way with words ranging from Latin to Germanic derivation. Until then to all the journalists out there, hang tight. Learn French or Spanish, they have words that mean horrific as well, it may mean the same thing, but it can take the bite out of writing the same story every single week." Riley concluded the sentiment with a long drag of a cigarette while staring into the void.
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